my heart just isn't in it. Life is okay. I am just in a funk. It will pass and I will be back to my delightfully loquacious self.

Ciao!

All right ladies and gentlemen, the rain in Little Rock is adios! That means we get some sunshine tomorrow and fair temperatures. It should be a nice day. We are going to IHOP to use up the last of our Christmas gift certificates there. Steffie and I really like IHOP and will always welcome gift cards to their establishment! LOL!!! How's THAT for a hint?

Today has been a nice day despite the weather. I even got a little nap. That was awesome. Usually I just manage to rest a bit but today there was a realio trulio nap involved. It was short but refreshing.

I got to talk to my mama on the phone today. I was calling to make sure she knew about the freebie listings on eBay. She did and, in fact, was working on doing listings when I called. Go mom go! Her new vice is Animal Planet. She rarely sits and watches television but has decided that she likes having the television on in the background and Animal Planet has been a great channel for her to just listen to and watch on occasion. Yay mom!

I have decided that I am not going to try to do anything special with my blog for a while. I am just going to enjoy talking about my day and plans. I will talk about the little dog, the cats, family, the grandchildren and babble on about whatever comes to mind. I had been getting stressed out thinking that I needed to do more with my blog but in reality. I just want to have fun with it, so there you go! I am a happy little camper!

Well can't think of anything more to blather on about so I will say,

"Ciao!"

The picture associated with this post are my granddaughter Kimbo's tootsies when she was one day old. My little Kimbo is now almost six years old. It is hard to believe that it has been six years since I first held her in my arms. She was the first daughter of my only child, Sean Bear. He is the apple of my eye. We don't always see eye to eye. We are both hard headed and opinionated but there is a bond that unites us no matter what else may happen.

For a while that bond was tested and we were estranged for over a year. In that year my son and his wife Patricia became parents again and had a second daughter, Ashley. I never got to meet Ashley but that didn't keep me from loving her with all my heart. She was the daughter of my precious son and, of course, that meant she was well loved by her Grannie Tonto. Sadly when little Ashley was just eight months old she developed Juvenile Myelomonocytic Leukemia (JMML) with Monosomy 7. She also had reactive airway disease. In late October Ashley was transferred to Seattle Children's Hospital to undergo aggressive chemotherapy in preparation for a bone marrow transplant. Ashley had many other medical problems but was holding her own until early January when her little body was ravaged by respiratory syncytial virus (RSV). As a result of the RSV Ashley went into a coma from which she never emerged. On January 23, 2009 just a few weeks before her first birthday Ashley died in her father's arms. I cannot imagine how my son felt at that moment. It must have been devastating.

Today we celebrate Ashley entering heaven three years ago. She is our little angel. Her life is celebrated by all who knew her and by many who never had that opportunity.

I was at Ashley's rosary and funeral. I still have the white flower bud that was pinned on my jacket the day of her funeral. In the days leading up to Ashley's funeral Little Rock was socked in with ice and snow but the day of her funeral was sunny and warm. We felt God's loving presence surrounding us all.

Sean and I overcame our estrangement but it has been a long slow process that was started by the loss of his precious little Ashley. I never got to meet her but I owe her so much.

On September 8, 2010 my DDIL Patricia gave birth to another daughter, Jessica. Little Jess is very much her own person and is a laughing smiling little doll. I tried to get a picture of me holding her tootsies like I have of Kimbo but she would have no part of it. She did not want to put her tootsies in Grannie Tonto's hand so that we could get a picture of them. Instead I have a picture of her foot kicking out and saying, "No tootsie pictures."

Jessica turned one in September and is a happy healthy little girl. Her sister Kimbo doesn't always want to share attention with her but seems to tolerate her quite well most of the time.

I count myself lucky to be the mother of one son, the MIL of the strong and fearless Patricia, step-grandmother to the red haired Nicholas and Grannie Tonto to Kimbo, Ashley and Jessbo. I love them all and even though Ashley is in heaven it is a love that never dies. She will always be in my heart.

Ciao!

I am lucky to have a least one friend who reads my journal almost every time I post. She also comments most of the time. I really appreciate that. I am not always as good a friend to her as she is to me.

My son also reads my blog fairly often. He doesn't comment on the blog but makes comments that let me know that he does read it.

I try to read the blogs of my writer friends but sometimes I get blogged out. That makes me feel bad because I know it makes me feel good to know someone is reading my blogs. I have to admit that my blogs can be boring at times. Really, I need to do some blogs on writing and writers again. Right now though I am focused on my life around me and trying to cope with it one day at a time.

We have a lot of stressors affecting us at SageMoon Cottage ~ family issues, Steffie's mom's health, financial issues and general making it through one day at a time type things to take into consideration.  I know everyone has stress in their lives and that we aren't special in the area of stressors but we seem to get them piled one on top of the other. It can be maddening.

Today was a rainy dreary day but the temperatures got up in the 60s even though it did not feel like it was in the 60s. It felt chillier than that but it certainly wasn't cold. There was some severe weather in the state but we got lucky and only got a lot of rain. It does not sound like anyone was injured or killed. That is a good thing.

Well not much else to allow so I will just say,

"Ciao!"

I have been missing in action for a few days. I hate not writing in my blog but one night I smooth forgot it and the next night I was too tired and went to bed. That's right I blatantly did not write in my blog. Shame on me.

Sometimes you think you have life figured out and then it throws you a GREAT BIG CURVE BALL!!!!! That is what my life has done to me TWICE today. Personally I think that once was enough. I know you will find it hard to believe that there is anything I won't blog about but today I have TWO CURVE BALLS that I cannot blog about. I will tell you that both of them have made me sick to my stomach and I feel like I am going to puke. This is serious business. I try to zen through life as much as possible but the zen is failing me tonight. Did I tell you that I am truly ill over these turns of events? I will try to process through everything tonight and tomorrow but it is going to take a HUGE amount of effort to get through these situations. I am woman enough to get through things but gosh, there is enough going on in our lives right now without more stress. UGH!!!!!

I thought about not blogging tonight because I am in such the funk but I am trying to get over myself and there is something to celebrate, Arkansas beat Michigan on national television in a basketball game. That was sweet! I can't wait to see the news tonight! It should be awesome! See, I can find silver linings. I just have to look for them. I am good at finding them even under the darkest rocks and trust me I had to explore some DARK rocks to find a silver lining tonight but the basketball game was a good one.

Another dark moment was that Newt Gingrich won the South Carolina primary. I didn't want any of those guys to win but I think I wanted Newt Gingrich to be at the bottom of the pack. Why, oh why, couldn't the Republicans have come up with someone DECENT to run for president this year. UGH!

So there we are one sweet moment where the Razorbacks won the basketball game ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, two nasty curve balls and Newt Gingrich won the South Carolina primary. What a day!

All I can add is:

"Ciao!"

Today our high was 71. Tonight our low will be 26. That's a big temperature spread for Little Rock. It was a gorgeous day outside today. The sun was shining although the wind was blowing. We had gusts in the 30 plus MPH range. It was still pretty though.

Steffie and I went to a care team meeting at the nursing home today regarding Steph's mom. Her health continues to decline. They had to start her on pureed food today in an effort to get her to eat. She did eat better today than she has been eating. The nursing home gives her FIVE high calorie shakes a day in an effort to get/keep her weight up. She has lost another three pounds in the past week. Steph is going to have to make a decision about putting her mom on palliative care versus rehabilitation. Her mom just is not able to cooperate with the rehabilitative process any longer. This has been a rapid decline in her condition. This change has happened in about six weeks. According to the care team she is in end stage dementia.  This is going to be a difficult time for Stephanie. I hope that I can always be as supportive and patient as she needs me to be.

This is all I have to report from SageMoon Cottage tonight.

Ciao!