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The Post In Which I Whine..A LOT!!!!

My brain turned to mush in October. It hasn't recovered yet as I still struggle with immense fatigue and brain fog. I crapped out on #NaBlowWrimo and #NaNoWriMo. I keep telling myself that I have 12 days left and that I can crank out my novel. I have my notes and outline. My brain feels like perforated Jello. I struggle to post an update on Facebook. Words elude me.

My blogging is irregular at best. I bet I haven't written 20 posts in the past two years. I find that to be appalling. I need to at the very least write in my blog at LEAST once a week. I mean really I should be able to do that. I can only shake my head at myself. I need to get a grip now. Maybe I should scedule blog writing days on the calendar. That is an idea. I will do that. Remember you read it here first.

I find myself so frustrated about my writing. I have written web content for various websites since 1999. I have invested many hours in fine tuning my articles, essays and stories. I have always been so excited to see my writing on the web. Now, all but one website that I wrote for is gone...history...defunct. It is all gone. The one website that is still operating has removed my essay from it. I just found that out today. I think that I did some other pieces for that website but I don't even want to look now. I am feeling discouraged enough.

I experienced something similar when a venue for storytelling had its email hacked and lost all of the stories that had been submitted to it. I had several stories that had been accepted by this venue and they were gone. Oh yes, I did save my stories but you see my word processing program "crapped out" and I have lost several years worth of essays, short stories, articles and novels. Yes, I now know that value of saving things on a flash drive. I just have never done that before and failed to remember that computers and programs will fail you.

It is rather disheartening to lose so very much writing. It is as if it never existed and yet I poured my heart and soul into it. Now brain fog is stealing my ability to get my thoughts out of my head. Sometimes I want to cry but instead I do continue to craft stories in my head. I can still make them up. I just can't seem to get them out. I write notes about things that I want to write but then I lose all of the particulars when the time comes. It is an ongoing struggle.

So I find myself slogging through the mud to overcome inertia, a desire to just give up and the sludge that impacts my abiity to share my vision. It is an uphill battle and yet I continue because I must. You see that is why I write, I MUST, I do not have a choice. It is my life. It is what I do. It is me. Writing is me. It is that simple. So I continue to make notes and try to cobble together my thoughts in a way that makes some kind of sense. I don't always succeed but I do make the effort, well...at least part of the time. I can say that my brain is always working though. The stories are all fleshed out in my head. I will get them out. I am confident of that and then I will be satisfied. No one else has to ever see them really. I just have to "birth" the tales in my head. It is an ongoing process.


#NaBloWriMo...You're Doing It Wrong...

On the "I Can Has Cheezburger" memes there is an ongoing comment about "You're Doing It Wrong" about different things where someone or some critter is doing something "bass ackward" but I can't remember how they spell it...if you are familiar with the website you know that things are selcom spelled correctly. Anyway, #NaBloWriMo, I am doing it wrong because I keep missing days of blogging BUT that doesn't stop me from getting right back to LiveJournal and starting all over again.

My day started off GREAT!!! I got to spend time over breakfast with my cousin Mark. I haven't seen him in a while and it was great to visit with him. Mark and I were close as kids. He, his brother, my sister and I were stairsteps. When we got to visit LR we were always glad to see them and then when we moved back we loved getting to spend time with them.

Mark was able to hold his own in conversation with me. Not just anyone can. He didn't have to tell me to hush so that he could talk once. Considering the fact that I was operating on very little sleep and lots of caffeine the man deserves a gold medal. We also found out that we have way more in common that we even knew. That was so very cool. I think that this was the first time we had talked just the two of us in more than 40 years. It was AWESOME. I am so glad he made time to see me while he was in Little Rock.

As we visited a friend of mine named Mark also was preparing to compete in the Ironman World Championship Race in Kona. I am in AWE of someone being able to qualify for the championship much less someone I know from high school. I mean WOW!!! I am so excited for him. I just checked the website and he is still running from what I can tell. My heart is so with him. He is a great guy. I am so happy that his hardwork has paid off. Just amazing!

My cousin Mark(referenced above)has a daughter who is a tri-athlete. She amazes me. The woman is an awesome athlete. She has been in races that you have to qualify to be in. I am impressed. She is one determined young woman. Her sister has done races as well. She is not a tri-athlete but is still an impressive young woman. Mark(my cousin)started running several years ago. He has done several half marathons and his wife Sherry has walked in the races. I applaud them all.

From the moment I first heard about triathlons many years ago I wanted to be a tri-athlete. Now mind you I do not have an athletic bone in my body but I still had the desire. I don't think I had it hard enough. I have done a lot of reading about running and training but managing to actually do it has eluded me and I have tried the couch to 3K program more than once. I am still not deterred. I told my cousin that today. He looked at me like I was delusional. I have to use a walker to get around. I see that as an opportunity to think even more outside the box to get to wear I am going. Oh, I am also morbidly obese. I am still not giving up my dream. I may not make a triathlon but I will make a race of some kind. It will happen. I am still alive and I believe that I can do this. It will happen.

I continue to write with the same fierce abandon. Because of brain fog and pain issues I may only be able to write a little at a time but I keep writing. I may not be anywhere near running or even walking in a 3K but I keep putting one foot in front of the other and trying to figure it all out. I am not easily deterred. I will do what I can do as I can do it. Besides, I don't have a couch any longer so I cannot officially be a couch potato. I am one step ahead of the game.

I will keep watching to see how my friend Mark is doing in the championship race. I am sending energy to him. I hope that when he finishes that he enjoys his accomplishment. He will have completed and Ironman WORLD Championship. That is awesome!

Ciao babes!

#NaBloWriMo...I Am Late...GASP...

I might have missed yesterday too. Life is crazy and complicated. ARGH! I don't really have anything of interest going on. Well, I get to see my cousin Mark Saturday. That is excting. I am in love. That is pretty awesome because he loves me too. In fact, he loves me a lot. So things are happening but they seem to be everyday things. Maybe I just don't feel inspired. I should be but I am not. That is crazy.

I have a friend going through a very bad time. In fact, I am not sure he isn't going to harm himself tonight. I have done what I can. Once he signed off of Facebook I didn't have any way to contact him. I am worried about him. Yeah, there are things going on but they are so busy and intense that I just get overwhelmed as I soldier through it all.

I deal with many things day in and day out. I keep them in. I don't use my blog to puke my problems out into the world the way I have seen some do. I had a friend once who scared me to death with her blog and she just blew me off saying that a blog was her way of being dramatic. I was like WTF! I don't believe in messing with people's emotions. You know what I mean.

I am going to sign off for now. My mind is racing. I need to slow it down.

Ciao Babes!
I don't know where things started going to hell in a handbasket but somewhere in September life started to win a lot of little battles. Now on Septemeber 5th I had a major victory where love and happiness are concerned so overall September was a WIN...take THAT life! However, somewhere myNeuropathy, Fibromyalgia and Lupus flared up. Now the pain with these two is bad enough BUT the brain fog and exhaustion are what are really kicking my butt HARD!

I am doing everything I know to do to try to keep ahead of this oncoming train but I just can't seem to run fast enough. That doesn't mean that I have stopped running though. I just keep the race going...one step at a time.

I had hoped to leave all of this nonsense behind in September but NOOOO...it is still here in October. I am so not a happy camper about that either. UGH! I hope to shake it off in October so that November is brain fog and exhaustion free. Notice I didn't say pain free because as I learned from Meatloaf, "...two out of three ain't bad." So those are the two I am chosing. I can live with pain. I have been living with it for many, many years...as in more than 40 so this isn't my first rodeo.

I #neveryield although my beloved piggies have been known to do so. I #nevergiveup although I have been known to take a break or two. I am strong, gutsy and freakin' determined. I #amwriting even if it is bad writing. I am pounding out the words. I just need to build up to about 2K a day which is about 4 times what I have been doing. That means I need to GET ON THE STICK!

You see life is just winning some battles but never fear, I am winning the friggin' war! You can bet the ranch on that one.

I need to crank up the volume on my music and my life. It will all work out but for right now, dang I am worn to a nub.

Ciao babes!

Most of you know that I am a "live and let live" kind of a gal but as the election draws near I feel the need to draw a line in the sand. I personally do not care who you vote for in the Presidential election. I just_do_not_care!

Now this does not mean that I don't care who gets elected. I care very much but I have already decided how I am going to vote as have you. I am not going to change your mind and you are not going to change mine so let's declare a truce. Let's stop the divisive political crap. Okay, let's just stop it. We all still have to live together and be a network of friends from November 9th on so let us form a circle, hold hands and start singing "Kumbaya" now. Why should we wait? We are all friends. Many of us are related. Whatever happens on November 8th is going to happen! It depends on voter turnout and no bashing of candidates or each other is going to make it better. We can start the healing NOW so that as the nation moves forward from Election Day we will already be working toward a common goal, to make this the best USA that is can be for all of its citizens and everyone who lives here. Let us show the world that the US is not about division but rather about understanding, finding common ground and building on it. That is who we are. Let's act like it. Okay!

If you cannot do this for the good of the country, your friends, family, community and psyche then please do it for me when you are around me. Okay. If you are not going to spare anyone else please spare me. I don't want to be immersed in a shit storm that doesn't need to happen. We can all be civilized. We can have opinions. We can vote. We can be a strong country. We can do this without acting like are trolls living under a bridge. We are better than that. We have manners. Our mamas taught us respect. Let's act like we remember that. Please.

I look forward to our finding common ground, building bridges and singing "Kumbaya." I have the stuff to make S'mores. Who is bringing the hot dogs and even more importantly who is bringing the beer?

Ciao Babes!

#NaBloWriMo...kind of a blah day...

Hello world, I am writing behind a fog of allergy meds. These things really do me in. Whew! That being said, I have firmed up plans to see my cousin Mark next weekend. I am very, very excited about that. I don't get to see him often so I love it when we have time together.

My brain feels kind of numb shrouded as it is behind the fog but that will get better. I am hoping for tomorrow at the latest. We will see. I am just happy to see another day of blogging and I hope that tomorrow is a better day for same.

I can't even think of anything to write about the little dog. Is that pathetic or what? I will say that while she is still very good at tinking on her pad, dog poop is another story completely. I hate mopping and yet I get to do it several times a day. Thank goodness for Swiffer. That being said, we do so enjoy the little dog and most of the time she is worth the trouble. Most of the time...I said, not ALL of the time. LOL!

Hope to feel more like writing tomorrow.

NaBloWriMo was an effort to get people to blog daily. It is National Blog Writing Month. It is one of the many riffs on NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month. I think that 2014 or maybe 2013 was the last year that the founder of NaBloWriMo was active with her own creation. Last year there were a few other participants in #NaBloWriMo that I discovered but so far I feel like the "Lone Ranger." We will see what happens. I am looking fo NaBlo peeps. I will continue to search.

In the past I have used NaBloWriMo in an effort to get my brain in gear for NaNoWriMo. I am hoping to do the same again this year. I am gotten very, very slack with my writing. I hate that but I am not going to dwell on my failures. I am going to make a fresh start and parasail along the horizons of creating new words and ideas. Damn, I am optimistic, aren't I?

This has been a very interesting year. Last October I was getting ready for my 40th high school reunion and was trying to wrap my brain around moving out of the house I had resided in for more than 30 years. Well, the 40th has come and gone. I have reconnected with some people that I missed in ways that I hadn't even fully realized before the reunion. Two high school friends died within six weeks of each other in the past 3 months. I got to see one of them at the reunion and I am grateful that I had that opportunity.

In January I moved out of my home of thirty plus years into a new residence. The move has been a very postive one. I so love where I am living now. I just wish I still had hardwood floors instead of carpeting but hey, nothing is perfect although my new home comes very close to being perfect so there you go.

I have missed writing about so very many things because I have not been blogging much. My life has been like water in a sieve. I so hope that NaBloWriMo gets me back on track with blogging and that I find a way to keep up with this wonderful adventure that I am living.



I Keep Forgetting To Blog...

I am a denizen of Facebook. As such I often write long rambling posts there that probably should be on my blog and yet I like to engage in conversation with people on Facebook. I post my blog links there but I don't know if people read my blog posts the same way they do my status updates on Facebook. It is such a quandary. What to do? What to do? First world problems indeed! :-P

One of the things I have been meaning to blog about is my hair. When I was a kid and up until a very few years ago my hair was straight. In fact I am going to post a picture of a picture of a picture from my senior yearbook that shows just how STRAIGHT my hair was. Now I was an anomaly in the family. My Eichelmann relatives have CURLY hair. Lots of curls and my granddaughter, Jessica, inheirited the curly hair gene with a vengence. That girl has some SERIOUS curls.

Well, starting about ten years or so ago I developed a wave at the nape of my neck. This was an odd development because my hair simply did not curl. Efforts with curlers, hairspray, gel and mousse were fruitless. Perms didn't last long because my hair grew so fast that my crown was very soon flat ant the curls I did have were coming loose. Curly hair just wasn't in my cards, or was it.

Two or so years ago when my "buzzed" hair would start to grow out I would have very abundant curls at my neckline. They looked like the little curls on ducks tails so I called them my "duck ass curls." In the past year however the rest of my hair has decided to get in on the act. When it is hot and humid my hair CURLS all over the place. There are soft little curls bouncing around in the breeze on my little fat head. I mean what the heck. I never had a natural curl before but now...yes now at the ripe old age of 59 I finally have curly Eichelmann hair. Well, at least for the summer and at least while it is this length. It blows my mind.

I cannot seem to capture my wispy little curls via picture however. I will keep trying but they are so soft and my hair is so dark that they fade into the rest of my hair. It makes me sad too because they are just so darned cute. Oh well, first world problems again.

In 2009 and 2010 there were lots of fun contests that I amazingly kept winning. Most were promotion for and by writers, but some were writing contests. I think that those were my favorites. My most valuable prizes were my Kindle that I won from writer Moses Siregar III and the Ipad that I won from some writing website not a personal author and I don't remember which one(bad Ardee) However the prizes I won for my writng really jazzed me up.

I think that I won books as prizes for all of the writing contests which is certainly apropos. The best of the best though to me was a signed copy of an autobiography of Gertrude Stein. I won the book because whatever I wrote, a paragraph or two, impressed Ms. Stein's biographer as being the most like Ms. Stein's style of writing. Well, to me that was AWESOME!!! I got first place...so very awesome!!!!

You see when I first "met" Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas, it was "love at first sight." I was in high school at Mount St. Mary. I think I was in the ninth grade.(The year I also met Richard Brautigan, but I digress.)I can't remember how many times I read "The Autobiograph of Alice B. Toklas" but I was entranced. I wrote page after page of stories in the style of Gertrude Stein. I read everything I could find about she and Alice B. Toklas. I wanted to move to Paris. I wanted it all. This was in the early 70s so there was not nearly the information availabel back then that there was now but obviously all of that writing practice in years back paid off because when I wrote my paragraph(s) for the contest I just sat down and wrote them. It all came back to me at the time and it was quickly a done deal...a WINNING done deal.

My fifteen year old self did happy dances in the middle of the street when I found out I had won. She had practiced Ms. Stein's style of writing day in and day out. She had learned to let the stylist prose flow freely and about 35 years later after no practice for many decades was able to produce a satisfactory sample again. It was so wonderful.

Now I don't know if I could pull it off again. I was just inspired and on fire. It was such fun.

I keep practicing my craft. I write every single day. I don't always write well but I do write. My novels are getting bogged down by real llife and many days I struggle to pound out 500 words. My goal is to write a minimum of 2K a day. Some days I breeze along and can do that. Ohter days, well not so much but I #amwriting. I love to write. It is my soul and has been for many, many years. I know I started making up stories in my head when I was very young at least five or six, maybe even before that. I started getting them on paper around the sixth grade. I probably would have managed sooner but handwriting did not come easily to me and was a source of much emotional and verbal abuse by teachers especially in the fourth and fifth grades(except the last six weeks of the year because I transferred schools.)The issues with actually writing via pen and paper persisted throughout the years even though I have volumes of poorly written pages in smeared ink and pencil. When I learned to type I got an old fashioned typewriter and began to pound out my stories on it. I am so grateful to have a computer to write on these days because "arthur" has made even signing a check difficult so I rely on my computer to continue to produce written words when I can squeeze them out of my brain.

I so love to write. I am glad that even though I could once write in the style of e.e. cummings, Richard Brautigan and Gertrude Stein that I have developed the bohemian, grammatically incorrect and poorly punctuated style of one Ardee-ann Eichelmann. Her style seems to fit me the best.



Life and things are just plain odd, crazy and queer. I have learned by experience that the "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercials are not nearly as amusing as I once thought they were. No they are not! I hope that you never have to find this out first hand. Now, let me clarify that I have NEVER thought that falls by anyone were at all amusing but I thought that these commercials were. That has all changed.

Also, Kroger's "Zesty Buffalo Wings" are really not all that "zesty." I had to add Sriracha sauce to each one to liven them up. Don't say that you haven't been warned. However let me add that the "mild" Buffalo Wings you can get from Pizza Hut will spark your lights. Go figure.

I have learned in recent years that I can blunder way too much in my intereactions with others. I was always good at communicating. If I hurt someone it was usually because I had intended to do just that but now I seem to be able to hurt others in ways that I never intended. It isn't that I am intentionally thoughtless but I can screw up royally without ever intending to do so. It hurts me to hurt others. This newfound "talent" is killing my soul. Sometimes it seems that no matter what I do I  f'ck up and hurt someone. I cannot believe that this is happening with me. I can't seem to get things right. I keep trying though. UGH!

I think this is enough for one night. Life is just weirding out all around me. HELP!



Sesame Street Ninja

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