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Life is strange...

I am an enigma. I am different. I am difficult. I am all of these and more. It seems that to some people I am too much and to others I am not enough. All I know is how to be me. I have always thought that was enough but it seems that maybe it isn't. Odd, I never thought of things that way. Life is strange and full of unexpected surprises, not all of which are pleasant and so it goes!

Ciao!


Life is complicated....

I recently told someone to "google" me and that by doing so they would find out pretty much everything they would want to know about me. They'd find this blog where I talk about doggie "doo," living with depression, zaniness, my granddaughters, my heartbreak, my fears, inadequacies, efforts at writing, love of thunderstorms, tendancy to jump in mud puddles and way too much more because my blog has been an open book.

I told them they could even find a video of me reading a story I had written. I failed to tell them that I sound much more nasal in the video that I really sound in person but I guess that is just one of those things.

In so very many ways I am one of those "out there" kinds of people...you know where you stand with me. I don't hold back. I am passionate about life and yet I am a virtual hermit. My life is spread all over the internet. My Facebook page is a candid portrait of things that make me smile and things that make my blood boil.

Despite the fact that I am so open in so very many ways my life is multi-layered. I am difficult. I am complicated. I am loving, caring and compassionate. I can have a hissy fit that would scare the pants off of the Hulk. I laugh out loud and sing off key. I live in such a way that many people find me to be an enigma. That is the word that fits me best for I am a contradiction in motion.

Empathy, Grace(as in lack thereof)and Trouble are my middle names. I love God and try to truly live Christ's commandement to "love thy neighbor" but honestly I think I am on the Highway To Hell. I just need a pink Cadillac to take me there. Sigh!

I don't know where life is taking me at this time. They say that we learn from history but I think this only thing my history tells me is that life is complicated. I wonder if I will ever find the peace that I have spent my lifetime searching for. I don't know. I guess somewhere down the line I will find out. Maybe!

I know I usually sign off with "Ciao" but tonight I will sign off with Adios because all I can think about is Spanish wine.

Adios! Vaya con Dios!

I have been absent far too long!!!!!

I really hate to post when I am feeling funky. I prefer to post happy, funny and interesting things. The past several weeks have been quite difficult for me so rather than posting I have avoided the blogosphere, at least to post. I love writing and talking about things that pique my interest. I have had lots and lots of good things happen to me but by the time I get to "blog posting" I am tired and in pain. Sometimes I feel that all I have done is talk about pain issues for most of the past year and nine months. All I can say is that it has been a challenging and trying time.

Today I just want to be happy. I want to smile, dance(I am a great chair dancer), laugh, sing and rejoice. I enjoy life to the hilt. Yes, I have darkness and depression that steal my joy but I work to muddle through all of the muck and mire. Sometimes I get stuck but I always find my way back to the light. It has taken years at times but I never quit clawing my way back out of the pit. When I do it is time to smile and find ways to celebrate. Tonight I made some delicious homemade vegetable soup and that simple act brought me much pleasure. It doesn't take much to brighten up my day. I am easy to please so if I am feeling the suffocation of depression you have to know that I am trapped in emotional hell.

My oldest granddaughter will be nine years old on Sunday. I can't believe that it has almost been nine years since that beautiful girl was born. What a blessing my granddaughters have been! They are truly gifts from God.

Well, I guess I am through babbling for now. I have so very many things to write about. If I had the brain power and physical energy I could probably sit at the computer to write day in and day out but yet I would still have more things to write. I love being part of this world because even with all of its ugliness and strife it is truly a beautiful place to be.

Ciao!


Recently someone was writing some fan fiction related to the “Twilight” series. I really don't know much about the “Twilight” books except that it has something to do with sparkling vampires. Sparking vampires, really? What is that about? Did Bela Lugosi sparkle in “Dracula?” Heck no, he scared the bejeezus out of lots of kids and sucked the blood out of a few dames but he didn't sparkle.

Anyway, back to the fan fiction. This writer decided to write a book that had some things in common with the “Twilight” fan fiction but she/he wrote a trilogy of books starting with “Fifty Shades of Gray” which is supposed to be about BDSM and has been hailed as “mommy porn” but I haven't read it so I don't know if it meets the criteria for either. I have heard the writing is really awful(probably better than what I am writing at the present) so I haven't read the books. I don't like bad writing even if I engage in it on a regular basis. Also, the Shades of Gray books are supposed to be more about physical abuse than BDSM. Good grief folks, if you are going to write about BDSM read some BDSM books(I am breaking out in a sweat here)so you will know what the heck you are writing about. BDSM is not physical abuse. There can be pain inflicted but only by mutual consent and if you don't know let me tell you now that the bottom runs the show. If the bottom uses the safe word to stop the action it is all over with even if it leaves the top “in need,” if you know what I mean. Well, the way I became entangled, so to speak, with these books that I have no interest in reading because I like good BDSM thank you very much, is that my mother recently bought the trilogy at a yard sale. Bless her heart, I bet the people having the sale got a chuckle at this feisty seventy six year old woman buying the “Shades of Gray” trilogy. Don't you know that there was talk about it once she left, some snickers too no doubt.

You see my mom had heard a lot about the “Shades of Gray” books but she didn't know what they were about. She didn't know if she'd like them but they were cheap so she thought she'd give them a whirl. A few months ago my mom read Stieg Larsson's Millenium series based on the recommendation of a woman at the Humane Society yard sale and had really enjoyed the books despite the fact that she didn't think that she would from things that she had heard about that series before reading them so the happy experience with Larsson's books had led her to think that perhaps she would hit pay dirt again with the “Shades of Gray” books. She couldn't have been more wrong. First, my mom doesn't read the sex scenes in books, she skips over them. I tell her that they are the best part but they don't ring her bell, whatever, she is missing some good passages in her books, but hey, that is her loss right, thus when mom starts reading “Fifty Shades of Gray” she has zero idea what she is getting into. It didn't take her long to get a clue because after she read less than a hundred pages of the first book, she stopped reading, took two showers in hopes that she would feel clean again after what she had just read in "Fifty Shades of Gray" and then after that tried to figure out a way to get rid of the books without anyone knowing that she had bought them. She is too thrifty to just throw them away but she didn't didn't want to sell them at her flea market because she was afraid that she would be run out of town on a rail. Donating them didn't appeal to her unless she could do so in a way that no one would ever find out that they came from her. I tried to get her to donate them to a local Pentecostal church's rummage sale but she was afraid that she would burn in hell if she did and she isn't sure that I won't for even making that suggestion. I almost offered to take them off of her hands but I am afraid that I will read them and then hate myself for reading some crappy novels that I know are crappy from the “get go.” I need to ask her what she has done with them. I am curious.

Update: Since I wrote the first post about mama buying the "Fifty Shades of Gray" trilogy I found out that she still had them because she remained too embarrassed to donate them to some type of thrift store or fund-raising garage sale. I don't know if she was afraid that the recipients would be so appalled at getting "Fifty Shades of Gray" and its sequels that they would fingerprint the books or do some kind of DNA test on them to track her down like a dog in the night but she still had possession of them.

When I found out that she still had the books I did suggest that she put them in one of the local "little libraries." I was laughing like a hyena over that suggestion but she did not find it humorous at all. I guess that first hundred pages really did scar her for life. You know that old saying, "what has been seen cannot be unseen." The same goes for naughty novels I suppose.

Mama does not really appreciate the fact that I keep giggling about her buying these books in the first place because she is mortified at having done so. I on the other hand think that it is one of the funniest things I have ever heard but then I am a little twisted like that.

Finally, after some conversation about "these books" I told her that in a way that I was glad that she still had them because I had been contemplating since she acquired them reading a little bit of the books to see if they were really as wretched as so many of my writer friends and other writers on the internet seemed to think that they were. I think when I said that there was a sigh of relief that she finally had a way to get rid of these books and not have to risk anyone knowing that they had been donated by her.

A few days later she gave me the books that still sit unread because I am not sure that I do want to even read a few pages of them and trust me it has nothing to do with reading erotica, it is that if I am going to read what my mom would call "a dirty book" I want it to be a good one. You know when you read a bad book the time you spend on it is time you can never get back in your life. It is just gone, wasted, kaput!

I don't know whether I will give these books the time of day or if I will donate them to a rummage sale. In the interim, every time I lay eyes on them I just get so tickled that my mama bought them and I would still LOVE to hear the conversation at the yard sale after she left with them. The thought still makes me chuckle.

Ciao!

BTW Mom...don't listen to the song, okay! You might want to ground me! LOL!!!




#AmWriting...if you can call it that...

I don't remember when I last posted, last week maybe. I don't know. I have been in a funk. Would my friend Jerry call that "navel gazing" if I posted about all of that? I will be so glad when this dark shadow passes.

Oh I have so very much to say and don't know whether I want to say it or not. Old wounds fester and I again find myself being treated as the cause when I am not. I never was. I just wrote about the ugliness and ignorance that I was observing. I did not observe it from some secret place but from right out in the open. I wasn't covert in my actions. I just called it like I saw it. That is considered a lapse in judgement. I don't consider it that at all but then hey, life goes on.

Ciao!

Crazy Little Dogs...

I haven't written much about the little dog of late. It is her turn to be besmirched, I mean talked about. Recently Zyoh bought the little dog an early Christmas present. It was a new carrier and a dog bed to go in it. The dog bed is pink terry cloth and the little dog looks too cute lying(laying)on it. At first she was wary of the dog bed but soon fell in love with it. When the new carrier and dog bed came to the house they were in the living room. Since that time when Miss Teffers bedroom was rearranged the carrier was moved to Miss Teffers room as little dog uses her carrier primarily for a "den" when she is scared or just wants to "get away from it all." Since the little dog considers Miss Teffers bedroom to be HER bedroom one can see why the den would be in the bedroom of the little dog.

Well, after the carrier got moved we started getting more cold weather and our living room floor is kind of chilly so Miss Teffers started worrying about the "poor little dog" not having her own bed in the living room too. PUH-LEEZE the little dog has lived here since 2006 without a bed but with a "pallet" and all of the sudden that is not good enough for the rotten little imp, now she NEEDS a bed in the living room.(As you can see I am less than sympathetic on this point.)

This weekend Miss Teffers and Zyoh were at the store and found a dog bed for less than five dollars so it was a "sold American" kind of a moment and now the little dog has a bed in the living room. I am impressed beyond words.

The little dog does like her bed and when she is not trying to force me to vacate my comfy chair while in the living room she tends to lay(lie)on her bed. Yesterday however, she tried for a while to kill the bed and got some of the stuffing out of it. Miss Teffers got her to "knock it off" and she has just spent time lounging in her bed again.

I tell you that this is one spoiled, rotten little dog. She has us whipped into shape.(I am rolling my eyes as I typed this.)

Regarding issues of poo and doggie doo, we still have adventures including me stepping in doggie doo yesterday. I was not happy about that at all. I just wish she would poop on her pad but I think I can just wish until hell freezes over, which I hear it might do this winter. At least she is not "supervising" me in my cleaning up duties like she was. I think she realizes that she was treading in deep water on that issue.

All in all she is a rotten little dog but we love her.

Ciao!

The Kimchi Pancakes That Weren't...

Sometimes I go a "little" crazy. This is one of those times. Ahem!

In late August I got an email from one of those recipe places for kimchi pancakes. They intrigued me. They ingrigued me a lot. Now you have to understand. I have never found any kimchi that I like and I am not invested enough to try to make my own kimchi but these kimchi pancakes just kept calling to me.

I had sent the recipe to a friend of mine who likes kimchi and makes his own but he told me he preferred to just eat kimchi on its own and thus the recipe had no appeal to him. He then told me how he makes kimchi and how easy it is. Pop tarts are easy, you just take them out of the package. Kimchi involves chopping, mixing and fermenting. That is not easy in my book although I did make my own sauerkraut a few times back in the day but that is another story.

Now my kimchi buddy did tell me about the best commercial brand of kimchee that he had ever eaten and that if I found it that I should give it a try. Well, I immediately went to the internet. I found that kind of kimchi online and ordered two jars of it.

Now consider this concept. I don't like kimchi or at least I haven't found any kimchi that I have liked to date and here I am ordering TWO jars of kimchi to make kimchi pancakes that for some reason I am craving like a pregnant woman. The worst part about this story is that I ordered the kimchi when we were really broke and I ordered TWO jars of it. Why two jars you may ask? That is a good question. The answer is that the shipping was pretty high but it was the same for one jar as it was for two jars and the kimchhi itself was pretty cheap and so I bought two jars of a fermented vegetable that I don't know if I will like or not. It all seemed logical at the time. Then came the moment of judgement.

The next morning I had to tell Miss Teffers that I had spent twenty dollars ordering two jars of kimchi which she knows that I don't like, for these pancakes that for whatever reason have totally robbed me of my senses and are singing a siren's song to me. Miss Teffers gave me "that" look that says, "Have you lost your ever loving mind?" Then she asked me to explain again why it was that I had bought this kimchi for something that sounds as "untasty" to her as kimchi pancakes.(You see to her pancakes are a sweet, she does not understand people who eat savory pancakes and such.)Well, I sheepishly explained again as she rolled her eyes and went on about her business.

A few days later the kimchi arrived but I knew it would be a while before I would be making the kimchi pancakes so I did not unpack the kimchi but careful put the packed box on a shelf. You see we were have some repairs and remodeling done on the house at that time. In the process we lost a lot of shelf space in the kitchen and I mean a LOT of shelf space like about seventy five per cent. So I didn't want to put the kimchi in some precious shelf space in the kitchen right then so I used a shelf in a storage area where the kimchi would be safe but I would know where they were.

Since that time Miss Teffers has teased me about when it was that I planned to make those kimchi pancakes and I have scowled at her while saying when I get a chance. Somehow time has slipped away as that kimchi had been on the storage room shelf since early September.

A few days ago I needed a box to ship an item that I had sold on eBay. The box the kimchi was packed in was the perfect size so I had Miss Teffers unpack the kimchi so that I could use the box for packing. Well, when the box was opened it was apparent that at least one of the jars of kimchi was broken. I will credit the person who packed the kimchi with sealing the jars up very, very well so that when they broke there was zero leakage. That was a good thing. I mean, have you ever smelled kimchi?

I took the kimchi from Miss Teffers, placed the jars in the kitchen sink and went back to packing my eBay sales for shipping. Once the packing was finished I went to see if one of the jars of kimchi was salvagable. This was a big, big, huge, enormous mistake. Once the bag was unsealed I found out what can make kimchi smell even worse than usual and that is for "opened" kimchi to be left in a plastic bag in a box on a storage room shelf for three months. Oh my goodness I thought I was going to die. The stench was beyond description. I tied the kimchi up in three plastic bags and then put it in the trash.

This put an end to any desire to ever consider kimchi pancakes again. I lost twenty dollars on a crazy idea and ended up having to throw both jars of kimchi away. It was a sad ending to my kimchi pancake dreams. Miss Teffers just shook her head.

Ciao!

I caught quite the cold and missed all of the fun of Thanksgiving time but that is okay. It will be here again next year. The cold meds I took knocked me out. I spent several days in a "daze" and sleeping. I am glad to be almost back to normal. I just need my nose to quit running.

Because of being sick and etc. I did not "win" #NaNoWriMo but it will be here next year too so I can always write another novel.

I have made a horrid mess in the living room pulling out stuff to list on eBay that I should have been listing last month. Maybe it will sell and maybe it won't. We will see.

In the meantime I am just trying to get through from one day to the next. If I can do that then I will be doing pretty good.

Ciao!

It is a long story but I got in trouble many times in school for refusing to say "The Pledge." As far as I was concerned "liberty and justice for all" did not exist and thus for me to say the pledge was a lie. Obviously nothing has changed in more than 40 years. Obama says that we have made progress and I guess since the days of the regular lynchings we have but we sure have a hell of a long way to go.

I wasn't in Ferguson, Missouri to witness the events with Wilson shot down Brown but I don't think it takes that many shots to disable a potential attacker and if the police are supposed to shoot to kill then learn how to do so. One, maybe two shots should have done the job unless the suspect was running away from the shooter.

I do have issues with how things were handled after the shooting. Did they really have to leave Brown's body on the ground uncovered for that amount of time? I realize that the coroner or some such official depending on the jurisdiction has to examine the body before it can be covered or moved for the sake of evidence but why didn't they take care of that and get Brown's body bagged. That was a serious trigger in the community.

We all make mistakes but when you are a white police force in a predominently black city where there are already serious issues between the police and the community, don't make things worse. Try to make them better. Leaving a dead body on the ground for hours. That was a huge mistake IMHO.

This situation has been ugly and now it is just going to get uglier still. We need to pray for peace because justice has flown out the window.

Ciao!

I keep pouring out my soul. The words just bleed across the page, sometimes at random and sometimes with purpose. It is a neverending process. Even when my fingers are not tapping out the letters the words are moving through my head making up phrases, sentences, paragraphs, chapters and so on. It just keeps moving like a train sometimes it is on the rails and sometimes sadly it is derailed but yet the movement doesn't stop, somewhere in the process things keep flowing no matter what. It is my life. It is what gives my life meaning. I have said it before and I will say it again, my writing is for me. I really do not care if anyone ever reads it. It is my outlet, the way that I can let go of these scenarios that my mind creates. My mother cannot understand why I do not write for the public but yet the public is so fickle and fleeting. Books are bought, sold, read and trashed. Some sit on shelves begging for an audience only to wait silently as they are passed by for glossier books that appeal to the masses rather than to those who carefully discern the words for their deeper meanings.

I certainly do no think that I write the books that carry great import because I don't. I write trivial things about life and zaniness. To me the writing is the adventure, the journey, the joy. It is in the putting the words together in a way that they mean something even if it is just to me that drives me. It is not the path for everyone. There are those who do not write, there are those who write for the pleasure of writing itself and there are those who write to be read. I certainly want to encourage those who write to be read. I love to read. It is my grand passion and it is what has compelled me to write. I just love the way words explode onto a page. It is such a gift to those of use who love, love, love to read.

I think if I ever fully flesh out my voice it will be in the version of personal essays. I am more of a storyteller than a writer but then I have told you that many times. I have probably bored you to tears by saying that over and over again.

Ciao!

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