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AugWriSo...the darndest things...

I find that when I am in pain I think about the darndest things. I don't know if it is some sort of delusional fugue that envelopes my mind or some futile effort on the part of my brain to think about ANYTHING except for how very much I hurt. Does this kind of thing ever happen to you? Am I alone in this phenomenon?

Whatever the case may be, I found myself thinking about sex and socks as I was lying on my bed in pain. (If I was actually laying on my bed in pain forgive my ignorance about the correct form of this word to be using.) I don't know how sex and socks popped into my head but they did. I was transported to the late 70s when I was a newlywed. The year was 1976. This memory would be from around late November or early December.

My young husband and I were getting ready for bed. Like most young married couples we were feeling a little frisky and had been, you know, engaged in suggestive behavior as we were preparing to go to bed and make mad passionate whoopee. I was quick to undress as usual. I had getting naked down to a fine art. As I lay in the bed awaiting the arrival of the young stud I was married to I had all kinds of happy little sexual thoughts dancing through my head.

About that time my dear husband of less that six weeks walked into the bedroom sporting quite the, ahem, erection and socks. Not just any socks but white tube socks with a colored band at the top. The band was probably green or gold as those seem to have been the most popular colors back in the day. Now, let me tell you, first, I don't know WHO designed the tube sock and why they became so popular but second, nothing, and I mean, well, almost nothing can kill the mood faster than seeing your skinny (bless his heart he was a skinny little thing) naked husband come traipsing into the bedroom with a woody while wearing tube socks.

I asked him what in the sam hell he had tube socks on for, letting him know that he looked less than sexy standing there buck naked save his tube socks that he had worn ALL DAY including at work. Really, dude what were you thinking? I could feel my frisky mood ebbing away as Mr. Tube Socks explained that his feet were cold so he left his socks on.

At this point in my most(and I really mean least) pleasant tone I advised him that if he didn't lose those dirty day long, unsexy sweaty tube socks that a whole lot more of him was going to get cold while he was sleeping on the couch. I also gave him a look that was NOT nice.

My husband had a tendency to sulk when confronted. It really was not one of his better qualities just like my ability to get snarky in split second timing was not one of my more attractive qualities. His bottom lip stuck out and he was about to get an attitude. I then reminded him that his right hand would not keep him very warm or give him much REAL satisfaction. At that he started to see things my way, took his socks off, went and took a shower which was going above and beyond the call of duty. I joined him in the shower and I am sure that our teenaged antics were less than thrilling to the couple trying to sleep next door but I do have to say that they didn't bang on the wall. When we left the shower I quickly wrapped up in a towel and found a pair of clean tube socks for the dude to put on. He was happy with warm feet, I was happy because he made darned sure I was although I kept trying to keep from giggling at the thought of him getting down to business while wearing tube socks. I can still see just how silly he looked back then and it has been almost 37 years ago.

So, now you know what took my mind off of just how much pain I was in earlier. Do you need some "mind bleach" to fade the image from your memory banks?

In closing, I really want to go to my ex's Facebook page and write him a note to ask if he remembers this escapade but I am afraid that his current wife would see it and not appreciate my nostalgic trip back to 1976. It isn't like I am yearning to relive the experience. I just want to laugh about how silly we were back when we were young, dumb teenagers who at that time were madly in love and on the very cusp of making the baby who later became my heart and soul.




White Trash Foot

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