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AugWriSo...I think I am too unobservant...

I think I don't pay enough attention to things. I don't mean to be obtuse or unobservant but in this crowded world I seem to miss things. There are people I care about who are cyberfriends. I really, really do care about them. They are just as real to me as people who are right here in town. I try to keep up with their lives on lists, forums, via Twitter and Facebook. Sometimes though it seems that I miss things.

Several months ago I saw a female person I know via FB acting particularly "overly attached girlfriend-ish" with a guy friend of mine who is also on FB. Well, this seriously disturbed me and I thought, "WTF?" because the guy is married and has kids. So I went to read stuff on his page to find out what was up. Well, it turns out that what was up was that dude met chick in person and they started doing the "horizontal mambo," got all involved so he ditched his wife and kids to live with chick-a-lou. It had happened like SIX MONTHS BEFORE!!! How the heck did I miss this? He had been one of my favorite guy friends on FB and I had really enjoyed his snarky banter and wit. As I looked through his timeline he had eradicated every shred of evidence of the wife and kids. That did not set right with me. If he didn't want future posts about the wife that was one thing but to wipe out the kids. That was ice cold baby. I sadly read his timeline one more time wishing that I hadn't missed this change in his life, wondering why this happened, cursing the FB algorithm that prevents messages from coming into your feed and then I unfriended him because of the way he "erased" his kids. I just couldn't hang with that. I know that other people would have made a different decision but I know what it is like when absent father erases the kid(s) and I had to let that relationship go.

I have another FB friend who I just figured out is separated or divorced from her husband. It seems that they have been separated for quite a while. She has wiped him out of her Timeline too. I know she isn't with anyone else. I don't know what happened. I don't know if it was ever discussed on line because again the FB algorithm is ruthless and flawed. If it was discussed I am sorry that I was not there for her to provide succor and support because even if it was her idea she still needed support. When a relationship breaks up it is hard no matter what the circumstances. Even couples who part "as friends" have things that have to be resolved over time and support is helpful.

I am wondering if I need to cull my friends list on FB again but there are people I really enjoy and learn from as well as people who I went to school with that I like seeing and hearing from. I realize that they are not all as "connected" as I am but it is still nice to see about what is up. Also, I cannot spend my life on line. I still couldn't stay caught up even if I did.

I don't want to miss things with people that I am connected to but at the same time I don't know who to let go of. I guess I am going to have to look through things again. I just feel like such a cad to realize that this chick that I really like and think a lot of has been separated for a while and I just now figured it out. Bah! That reeks!

I need a plan.

Ciao!

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
tanith_astlik
Aug. 23rd, 2013 01:55 pm (UTC)
I would definitely think twice about someone wiping kids off the timeline. Egad, that's terrible. Hope the kids don't know about it.

As for not knowing about your friend separating from her husband, consider the debacle wherein I didn't know my friend had died until a little over a month later and hours after her memorial. She's on my "close friends" list, too! (Not that she ever went on FB much. She said she hated it.) The not knowing can happen to anyone, Ardee.
ardeeeichelmann
Aug. 23rd, 2013 03:56 pm (UTC)
Mer, the guy who "wiped out" his kids just had little kids. That really ticks me off.

You are right about how things can get missed. I just hate it. I know that losing your friend was so very hard especially finding out the way you did and the timing. That was awful.

Hugs,

Ardee-ann
tanith_astlik
Aug. 25th, 2013 01:29 pm (UTC)
I thought the guy had little kids. That's what makes it terrible. Not having your adult kids on FB is one thing, but wiping out your babies?! That's just awful.

It would have been better if I had known about my friend dying before she actually died, but she was keeping a lot of things secret. (Which was partly my fault, I suppose.) And it would have been better if her husband's family had found her phone right after she died, since they would have found my number[s] and could have told me then. But if I had found out about my friend's when the obituary came out, it would have been on my birthday. I can't think of a worse birthday and I don't know that I would have been able to handle it at all. Add the Daughter's shenanigans and I would have had to check myself into a hospital. So it's probably better I found out when I did. I like to think the Universe cut me some slack. It's a slightly more optimistic view, maybe.
ardeeeichelmann
Aug. 25th, 2013 05:29 pm (UTC)
Mer, about the stuff with your friend's death, you daughter, your birthday and everything I am just sorry. Maybe the Universe did cut you some slack but it was still a very crappy situation overall.

Love you,

Ardee-ann
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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