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SeptWriSo...self loathing...

No, I am not the one experiencing self loathing. I have just read some posts by someone who is obviously inundated with serious hate who seems to think she has a handle on it when from reading her posts it is obvious that she does not. I want to write her and recommend some SERIOUS therapy.
In comments she has made about her father it is more than a little obvious where this internalized abhorrence was hatched and I realize that even with therapy and intervention that it can be difficult if not impossible to eradicate the feelings of personal repugnance but this writer is passing off some of this self hate as humor and really it is not. It is pathological. This gal is one sick cookie and my heart absolutely goes out to her. I know what it is like to have your self esteem in the gutter. I have been there. I have not walked her exact path, that is for sure but I know what it is like to have serious issues about one's own sense of worth. As I have written in this blog it is still something I struggle with so I understand that kind of personal pain but the woman I am talking about is way beyond mere self esteem issues...I fear that she is a candidate for suicide because of her deeply internalized hate and anger.

She talks about having had a substance abuse problem in the past but acts as if she is now sober. I honestly have not read enough of her blog to get a good feel for that but my guess is that alcohol could still be an issue but then I have been wrong before. There is no discussion of currently being in therapy but their was a mention of having seen a psychiatrist in the past. She acknowledges feelings of self hate in her youth and young adult years but does not talk about having overcome them and her writing reeks of self aversion. This woman is about ten years younger than I am based on what I read so that would make her nearly 50. She does not mention(in the posts I read) any positive personal relationships and while she uses some sick humor to describe her life and issues it is not just gallows humor or mere self-depreciating humor it is biting humor that is not funny at all and YET her readers support her in her writings and seem to think that she is funny, open and candid. She is indeed frank so they may be onto something there but I do not see the funny. In fact, her writings made me sick to my stomach because her personal antipathy ripped at my gut. The self derision was so intense that if I were still an emergency screener I would recommend hospitalization to insure her personal safety while she was stabilized on medications. That is how concerned I am about her and yet as a complete stranger who really does not know her I don't feel that I can write and say..."Um, I think you could benefit from a few days in your local psychiatric hospital."

I will tell you what I WOULD like to do. I'd like to find her father and kick his a**. I understand that most parents do the best that can but some parents really need to be muzzled. I think her father needs a gag and some serious intervention in how to treat the people around him. He is obviously a bully who emotionally abused at least his wife and this daughter based on the writings of the daughter. Again, I didn't read far enough to learn if there were other children or not but I hope there weren't and I hope that there are not any pets in the household although sometimes men who cannot appropriately interact with the humans in their families are wonderful with animals. This is rarely the case but I have seen it happen.

I hope this woman is in therapy. I hope she is getting the help she needs. She has a long way to go for healing to really kick in. I am glad her readers are supportive but I think that their "sense of humor" is out of kilter. There is a place for warped, sick and twisted humor but when it is presented as regular humor without the insight of being*****

It seems that I lost part of this post somewhere. I don't know what happened and I don't think that I can recreate it. Sorry for the sudden finish in the middle of a sentence.

Ciao!

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ardeeeichelmann
ardeeeichelmann

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