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Tonight I have figured out why my mind goes blank when I sit down at the computer monitor. The same thing used to happen with pencil and paper. I am an oral tradition story teller and I actually come from a long line of same. I have hundreds, maybe even thousands of stories to tell. I can tell of things that I have seen and experienced and I can make up new stories as I go along but getting it written is almost impossible. I think if I could dictate my stories and have someone type them I would be able to get my STUFF out there.

Almost every day I think of things to write about even just for the blog much less all of the fictional stories that dance through my head but when it comes time to put down the written word I am lost in the fog that envelopes my  mind and yet, if I sit and talk I can tell stories of all kinds for hours on end. It almost drives Steffie crazy.

I can't tell you all of the wonderful storytellers I grew up around. The oral tradition is part of who I am. I love/loved listening to the tales and wish that some of those storytellers were still around to tell their tales again.

My mother used to genealogy research. She asked relatives about family history but they didn't have much to allow UNTIL we were all together for a family gathering and the stories started to flow. There was so much information given out that we couldn't keep up with it all. It was amazing and fascinating that none of these older relatives could think of a THING to tell about family history until we got them together and they started talking. I wonder if this is a genetic trait.

Now there are some things that I can write. I can whip out a research paper that will make professors gasp in amazement and read parts of them to the class. The same for essays on tests. I can write social histories and capture subtle nuances in the stories told by the clients. I can write court reports and interviews that had me at the top of my field. I can write administrative memos, papers and policy for manuals that other agencies have asked to use. In writing this things I may have a grammar error or two and the punctuation errors would bring tears to an English teachers eyes but I have mad writing skills that have been untapped for years. Oh, those research papers...they were written in all night sessions the day before they were due. They were my first written draft. Now back then you could correct errors in pen on your typed papers. I know that the use of computers has made that practice unacceptable and I would probably get counted off now for such things but back in the day my first draft of a detailed and footnoted research paper, sometimes up to 50 pages was considered to be of exceptional quality. I did my research, I studied it carefully and then the night before I typed like a made woman. One draft and I was "good to go."

This is why I don't understand what blocks me from even writing in my blog some nights. Is it that there is no pressure, no time limit, no grade hovering over my heard to push those words out of my head and through my fingers. The same for all of the other writing I used to do. The writing for work was actually mostly dictated. I put other staff to shame with the work I could put out. When I say that I was a legend in my field I am not kidding. If I had to hand write something it sucked but give me a dictaphone and I was all over it and back again. It was oral. I could get the words out. I could make things happen. I wasn't lost staring at a blank page wondering where to start.

Now this has not always been such a problem. I could write answers for timed essay tests. I could type up those research papers. There was a time that I could get the words out like I contemplated before...I wonder if it was the time issue. There were limits...things had to be done within certain timeframes. There was stress to produce and produce I did.

I am a story teller. I do it well. I need to figure out how to tell the stories on the computer screen so that I can share them with others. I have lived an amazing life. I could write personal essays till the cows come in even if I never wrote a word of fiction. I have to figure it out. I guess that is the project and the problem...get the words out of my brain and through my fingers. Another barrier is that I think of stories while I am doing something else and they get lost before I get to my computer. The brain fog sucks them up. It is a conundrum. I need to figure it all out.



Nov. 29th, 2013 05:00 pm (UTC)
That anonymous comment was me, btw.

Unless you didn't get it, in which case it wasn't me. Or something. I'm not sure what LJ is up to, but I did write a bunch.

Edited at 2013-11-29 05:02 pm (UTC)
Nov. 29th, 2013 09:31 pm (UTC)
I did get the anonymous comment, didn't notice it was anonymous because I recognized the situation being discussed.




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