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I can't tell you how overwhelmed my brain has been with memories. Most of these have been triggered by dreams, some by recent events.

I had a dream that triggered lots of memories about my second husband. It was amazed at how many memories I have of him. You have to understand that I only even knew him from late July until the middle of December 1980 when our divorce was finalized. Now, that was less than a long term relationship. He is dead now. I hate to say this but I am kind of glad to know that. However, I hope he didn't die a terrible death but rather that he just died peacefully in his sleep.

My second husband, Dave, was a drunk and was abusive. The "power and control" wheel could have been modeled after our relationship. I am just glad that I wised up pretty quickly and got the hell out of the relationship. After I left Dave called me at work a few times. The last time he called he told me to never let my guard down because he would find me and make me pay for leaving him. I knew from past comments that by making me pay that he intended to kill me. Now, part of me knew that like all bullies he was full of shit. He was into bouts of rage filled with threats but mostly was a blowhard bastard. Although he did do hateful, stupid shit like kidnapping his sister's son right before I left him. Now that was quite the awful situation. His sister is talking to me about making him bring her son back. He is telling me that if I don't shut up his going to kick my ass. I tried to get her to call the police but she wouldn't because he was her brother. I kept thinking that at least the SOB would be in jail, she would have her son back and we would all be safe. All I can tell you is that you haven't lived until your drunk, obnoxious and abusive husband shows up at your place of work with his sister's child that he has kidnapped. Yep, that'll totally f*ck up your evening.

Anyway, now that he is dead I can finally quit looking over my shoulder. Sure 33 years passed between the threats and when I found out he was dead but his sister still lives in town. With a name like Ardee Eichelmann I am easy to locate and who knew if he got into some drunken fury while in town if he would show up to make good on his threat. If you knew how complicated and dangerous my life has been at times you would know that I am only still alive because I stay alert and careful. I may sound paranoid about my ex but there is enough history behind it that the feeling was more than valid.

This is the same man who kept calling my grandmother's house(where I lived at the time)collect every fifteen to thirty minutes for several hours(he was working out of town)demanding to talk to me and wanting to know why I wasn't at home. Now he had left the phone number where he could be reached after the first call. The ensuing calls were just meant to intimidate and harass the two of us. Well, I had my first "free" night in weeks. I didn't have to work and my son was spending the night with my mother.(He was 2 at the time.)I went out with a friend of mine and after dinner and a movie we went to The Kettle, an all night pancake house, drinking coffee and talking. Dave decided to act like a complete idiot about the whole thing. Another time I went to the grocery store with my two year old son. We were gone longer than he thought we should have been so he accused me of being out screwing around with other guys and a huge fight ensued. For the love of god, I had my son with me. How am I going to go out and commit adultery with my son in tow? The fact that I came back with a car full of groceries did not dissuade him either. That day is when I left him. I was getting out. That was the end of it. I just wish that I hadn't already unloaded all of the groceries because the SOB stole most of them and I had paid for them with my hard earned money. He on the other hand wasn't working.

Yeah, so I still don't know why he came back into my consciousness. Most of the six months I knew him was ugly and the marriage was a huge mistake that I totally paid for in more ways than one.(BTW, I wasn't really legally married even though I have a copy of my marriage license. That is a whole different story though. I was however legally divorced.)Anyway, I don't want to revisit that time in my life. I am glad it is over with and I am glad he is dead. Maybe the old memories will die someday too.

Another person who I have been thinking/dreaming about is E. she was on a Yahoo groups list with me for eight and a half years. She was also a friend on Facebook and a connection on Twitter. E. was an opinionated septugenarian. She could be cranky and bossy or funny and loving. E. was a great friend who I loved dearly. I will never see sausage and not think of E. because I truly believe that it was her favorite food. Several months ago E. died in her sleep. It really was a blessing because she was very ill. Her body was failing her, which was part of the reason for her bouts of crankiness so being taken home by the angels was a gift so that she didn't have to suffer any longer. The really hard part about E. being gone is that even though the people who are on the same Yahoo group that E. and I belonged to had known her for many, many years longer than I had, no one and I mean NO ONE wants to talk about what a pistol she was, how she kept the group energized with her stories and posts or how much they miss her. They acknowledged her death and that was that. The was no grieving. I have NEVER had that happen in a close group such as we have. There has always been a group grieving process. In this group NADA! I feel alone in my sorrow. I miss E. so much that it physically hurts. She was such a character and so important to so very many people. I am sad that I don't know the other people with whom she was connected. I don't know if they have grieved for her or not but I know I have been alone in my grief among those we knew jointly and I feel bereft. It really hurts too.

On a lighter note, we were supposed to have a super spectacular full moon last night. It was a Strawberry Moon on Friday the 13th. It was supposed to be very close to the Earth and a sight to behold. Well, the first time I went out to view the moon it wasn't out yet. Then when I went to go out later there was a young, not baby but rather an adolescent, raccoon on the back steps eating cat food.(Note to self, start feeding cats less.) I tried to get it to "shoo" but it wasn't having it, the impudent little thing. It wanted to eat so I was just up a creek without a paddle. I didn't want to risk the coon getting all pissy with me so I let it be. I then looked up and the moon was between the trees right outside my back door. It just looked like a regular full moon to me, there wasn't anything special going on here. I was disappointed. Maybe I should have had Steffie take me out driving earlier to see if we could get a good view of it rising or something. I don't know if that would have made a difference or not. As for the raccoon, it could have cared less if I was disappointed about the moon or not, little buggar. Oh, for the record, when I looked out in the sky the first time trying to see the moon, Mars was right between the trees across the way with its red lights shining. I am always happy to see Mars burning brightly. As an Aries, that is my planet. Steffie is not so thrilled when Mars is around. She things I am just a little too much under the influence of its fire and fury without it being right outside the back door but then you will have that. LOL!!!


White Trash Foot

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