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I don't know what to say about today. I got married for the first time 38 years ago on this date(which is supposed to still be November 6th and still is in Hawaii thank you very much). I remember my wedding day well. It was awkward, uncomfortable and weird in a number of ways. Steve and I were certainly not ready for marriage. Can you spell mistake? Yeah, I can. We loved each other and at the time we were friends too but we just weren't ready to make that kind of committment. I knew that I wasn't. I don't really know for sure what Steve was thinking on that day. I do know that part of him wanted to love me as a wife but his true love always was Dreama, his wife of 35 years now. She had gotten married to someone else and it broke his heart. I don't know if that is why he decided to enter the seminary or not. I don't recall if I ever knew the answer to that. I do know that he never quit loving her and that when he and I separated he was living with Dreama within weeks. He was married to her within two months of our divorce. They are still together. I am glad that he finally got to be with his first true love.

I think that if I had known when we got married just how much Steve was still in love with Dreama that I would have been brave enough to fully step away from our relationship but I didn't. Ah hindsight, why can't you be foresight? It would make life so much easier. I will say that if I hadn't married Steve I doubt that I ever would have married and I would not have my Sean who I love with all of my heart, so it is a good thing that I did not know that Steve was still so very much in love with Dreama because I would have missed all of those wonderful years of mothering Sean. He gave my life purpose and meaning. Sean was a beautiful gift. When I think about the fact that my marriage was such a huge mistake I just think about my precious Sean. I think about him with spaghetti rubbed in his hair at age two. I think about all of those years we went to the state fair. I think about all of those wonderful moments that made my life worthwhile. Yes, it was a mistake to get married so young and yes, we certainly were not ready for parenthood but there we were. We were married and on the day we got married I could never have imagined how things would have ended up. When I said "I do" I thought I would grow old with Steve and have a house full of children. Life is just full of surprises, isn't it?

Ciao!

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ardeeeichelmann
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