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My home would never ever pass the white glove test. I am not in the least bit domesticated. You could be nice and say I am housework challenged or you could say I am a slob. Take your pick along that continuum. I just don't truly comprehend the whole cleaning, haus frau, housework thing. Yeah, I know things have to be done but I think in my heart of hearts I believe that some little fairy types should come around when we are away or sleeping...clap their little fairly hands to make everything clean and tidy. I feel gypped, gypped I say, that this is not reality.

I am so undomesticated that when I do get some cleaning done like clearing out the refrigerator, cleaning the bathroom or(heaven forbid)sweep and mop...my mom wills say, "Don't you feel virtuous!" when I tell her. My response is something like, "You have GOT to be kidding. I feel tired and like I have just lost two hours of my life that I will never get back." Yeah, house stuff is just not my thing.

Oh, and don't even TALK to me about making the bed. Really...don't! I will just be sleeping in it again later. I am NOT wasting time or energy to make the damn thing. That is the most ridiculous waste of time and energy I have ever encountered. Now I know that many, many people disagree with my position but as for me bed making is not going to happen. It just isn't. You know like hell will freeze over first.

Mom used to try to shame me into housework when I'd date someone I really liked. I'd tell her I thought I'd found love, she'd say "Are you willing to keep house for him?" I'd give her my fire starter look or roll my eyes depending on my mood at that moment and say, "Why the hell don't you ask me if he might be willing to keep the house clean for me?" Yeah, this has been a touch subject over the years.

My biggest challenge is clutter. I am the QUEEN of clutter. In fact, as I turn to my left and see the table to my side my immediate thought is, "My gawd I just cleared that off a month ago. Where the hell did all of that crap come from?" Notice the word "month" yeah, I am just not that into it and I accumulate stuff that overwhelms me so I stack it to the side of me. These stacks have been known to overwhelm me and my living space. Egads!

Meema Barbara, who WAS domesticated, used to try to inculcate me in the art of housework. She'd say things like "a place for everything and everything in its place" and "take care of something immediately so that you don't have to handle something twice." God bless her heart the woman tried.

At the age of 60 I am starting to get the not handling something twice thing and trust me I do my very best but the "everything in its place thing" well I am pretty much a complete failure. I have never lived anywhere with enough storage space AND if I put something important where I am sure that I will remember where it is...I can guarantee you that I am likely to never see it again. Car titles, insurance papers and birth certificates should never, and I mean NEVER, be entrusted to my care, just go ahead and wave goodbye to them. They will likely never be seen again. Sigh!

I DO have more stuff than I can say grace over but it isn't because I don't try to dispose of and prevent clutter. I don't buy a lot of stuff and when we moved a year and a half ago I threw away, gave away, gifted and otherwise disposed of many of my possessions. There are still some things that I wonder why the heck I moved them but then they are sent to the dumpster or Goodwill. I want them out of my house.

There are things that I have to have. Clothes for example, those are important. I haven't bought any clothes in about four years. I have plenty of clothes. I hate to shop. I think I have six pairs of shoes. I haven't purchased shoes in almost 10 years until last night. I found some flats on Amazon that I think will meet my current foot issues and shoe needs. If not I will sent them back. I have more bottles of daily medications than I ever thought I'd need. They overwhelm me as do medical supplies that I MUST have. Then there are important papers, you know important, things I need to deal with. Do you know how often I have to play phone tag? Why can't every business have email available so that issues can be addressed. I want to address the problem, dispose of the papers I don't want to deal with anyway and get on with my life. These things SWARM me. It makes me crazy!!!!

The only thing I will say about the kitchen is that I drive Steffie's personal care aide crazy in there. Now, I wash dishes, sweep, mop, cook and generally clean but due to physical limitations I keep a lot of things, certain pans, bowls and such on the counter, as well as, the bar in my kitchen. I cannot reach things if they are too high or too low. Cabinet space is limited even though it is probably more than I have ever had in my
adult life. Angie however wants to put everything up. I understand that but then cooking will be nearly impossible for me. So there will always be clutter on my counters.

Clutter I understand and try to prevent. I do not let junk mail or catalogs come into my home any longer. They go from the mail box straight into the recycling. They do not darken my door. I also get rid of stuff I do not need. I don't have the energy to deal with such things. So even though I still have some clutter there is a method to my madness and except for those damn papers I have to deal with I am pretty much doing okay with clutter.

Dust is something else. I hate dust. I don't know where it all comes from. I  get rid of it one day and it is back the next. Oh how I loathe dust.

I try to ignore dust but it will procreate right before your very eyes. It is the gift that just keeps giving.

In my new home I have worked so hard, so very, very hard to keep things clean. It might kill me, especially the DUST!!!!! I keep finding it in places that I never thought of before like on baseboards and window sills. At my other house there was furniture in front of all of the windows. I didn't see window sills for 30 years. No, I don't rearrange furniture and no, I almost never move furniture to clean under it. I told you...housework challenged.

All of these new places to try to keep clean are making me CRAZY! Good gracious, will it never end? The answer is "Hell no!!!!!"

Yesterday I was getting out of the shower. I have balance issues and was really wobbly yesterday. I just touched the shower curtain rod lightly to help with balance so I could step out of the shower. Guess what my nice, clean hand encountered! That is right DUST who the heck knew that you had to dust the top of the darned shower curtain rod. I know YOU probably did but that was WAY outside of my experience. OMG...I feel like I could clean, cook and tidy up 24/7 and still not be done with everything. There is a REASON I was a work-a-holic. It was to avoid dealing with the danged house and all of the "stuff" in it. Then after I became so very ill that I couldn't work I did good to scrape by with the most basic household duties. Now in my new domicile there is a LOT of light so I can actually SEE the dust and such that I never really saw before plus I am trying so very hard to just keep things clean. It may kill me. I want my obituary to list my few survivors and the words, "It killed her." That's it. Nothing more will need to be said. I shall die at the altar of semi-domesticity while dreaming of a life where clutter, dust, dirt and dog poop do  not exist. LOL!

I continue my struggle. Maybe some form of domesticity will possess me before the household "opportunities" do me in but I am not going to hold my breath. I will just swab the toliet and do another load of laundry. Maybe those wee little elven folk will show up later and make all of my troubles vanish into thin air or maybe I will win the Powerball and can afford a cleaning crew every week. Yeah, I want option number 2. That might be even better. Then I can buy all of the pickles that I want too. LOL!

So, my friends I will not only NEVER pass the white glove test. I just hope that dandelions don't take root in the dust behind my armoire. Really, I worry about such things.

If you are more domesticated than I am feel grateful that it is part of your being for it will make your life easier in the long run. I almost always wish the best for those with whom I share this wonderful planet, even if it is just the understanding of how to deal with dust, clutter and the force that creates more stuff to clean the moment you turn your back. May the force be with you!

Ciao babes!



White Trash Foot

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