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Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

Ah Chrismas, the winter holidays promise so much and yet at times they just fall flat. I am saying this with my glass more than half way full.

I had a beautiful Christmas Eve with my sister, BIL, mom and dad, dear Stephanie, Nick, his FIANCEE Teresa, my nephews, Zyoh (Steffie's daughter) and Shotgun Jimmy (Zyoh's boyfriend.) There were friends of Barb's there too (Barb is my sister) and it was a great time. I got to hear the wonderful story of how my brother ROMANTICALLY asked his dear Teresa to marry him and we all celebrated their engagement because we love Teresa so much and think that she has been GREAT for our dear Nick. I am so pleased to see my baby brother happy and that is the BEST Christmas gift of them all although having a loving family is tied but really I am so excited for my little Nick (he is almost 45 but he is STILL my little Nick). So Christmas Eve really rocked. It couldn't have been better.

Today Stephanie and I got up early, went to visit her mom in the nursing home. It was a GREAT visit and we had a good time with her even though the television was blaring in the background. That is always an interesting dynamic during visits and we have YET to figure out successfully how to turn the darned thing down. We always screw up the programming so we just let the volume rip, and believe me, RIP it does. WHEW!

After going to the nursing home, we went to our favorite Chinese restaurant for lunch and then came home for well earned naps. To say we passed smooth out for several hours is NOT an understatement. We were BEAT.

I forgot to mention that our little dog Jezzi does have some kind of GI trouble with diarrhea and this has made the week interesting. GAK! We will be taking her to see Dr. Mishak hopefully Monday. We need to get a handle on this. She plays, she frolics, she drinks and sometimes eats but she really is having nasty poops. We need something to do for her. :(

Also, last night I had fun on NORAD playing with the Santa tracker. I'd love to be able to track him on his entire journey, just me, my computer and maybe some pizza while watching Santa make all of his rounds! LOL!!! I am such a kid at heart.

So, I am a very lucky woman and had a GREAT Christmas with those I love. I also have had my heart broken, again there was no contact with my son for Christmas. This means that I have never seen any of my grandchildren on their first Christmas. It is gut wrenching and causes me great pain. I want to call him and SCREAM at him for hurting me time after time after time. They can do Christmas for other people and talk all holy about the meaning of Christmas but my son and DIL treat me like CRAP and I have really just about had it. I won't call them out on it. I will just shut down those places that hurt and not even dare to hope for anything. I am not a door mat.  I am his mother. I reared him while his father ignored him and now I am treated like trash while he kisses his dad's fanny. It is revolting really. I will always love my son and I will always remember the good things that have happened in our lives but I am not going to play games. I thought we had moved past that but again...here comes Christmas without so much as a text that says "Merry Christmas." Enough is enough.

I will contact Sean when I want to try to see them, like I promised him a special dinner for his birthday, I will try to deliver but I am not going to wait and hope that he has grown up enough to be a real man and respect me as a person. I am hurt and yes, I am angry but it is what it is. I am not going to wilt away to nothingness because my son doesn't respect me enough to at least say, "Merry Christmas." It isn't worth being upset.

So, I am going to fill my glass totally full with the good things that happened this holiday season and hope that someday my son wakes up and smells the coffee but I am not going to hold my breath and wait on it.

Until next year, Feliz Navidad!

Ciao!

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Dec. 26th, 2010 02:06 am (UTC)
I'm glad for the good stuff Ardee - and sorry for the bad. It breaks my heart when kids don't realize what their parents mean to them. . . I hate that you didn't get to see your grands. Christmas is so much about kids. Praying the pain eases, and you have peace.

Love and Hugs,
Heather
ardeeeichelmann
Dec. 26th, 2010 02:38 am (UTC)
thank you Heather...
It is a serious cross to bear. I don't know why I am on this path but here I am and all I can do is have enough faith to say that this is happening for a reason. I don't have to understand the reason, I just know that there is one. In the meantime, I will shut down as much of the pain as possible and have faith that it will all work out someday, one way or another.

Thank you my friend, I appreciate you.

Ardee-ann
tanith_astlik
Dec. 26th, 2010 03:08 pm (UTC)
I know the good doesn't outweigh the sorrowful by a long shot, but I'm glad there was some good for you this Christmas. It's nice to hear about your brother and sister. I didn't even know you had a brother! And now you're going to have a new SIL!

I got to the point with Trevor that I didn't get my hopes up at all. Or at least I tried not to. There were so many years of him not getting who I am and how much I love him, and it was entirely too painful for words. Even now, I know he's narcissistic and overbearing like his father and slightly sanctimonious like mine, so it's a mixed blessing. I try not to notice too much, but am still aware it's there. So I understand, Ardee-ann, and I'm sorry Sean keeps hurting you. :(

Sometimes even with the good things, it's hard to muddle through and keep the feelings in check.

::big ole hugs::

ardeeeichelmann
Dec. 26th, 2010 07:34 pm (UTC)
to Mer......
thanks for your note. I am thankful for all of the good stuff and try to take things in stride with my son. Having grandkids in the picture really complicates things too. It is heart wrenching.

He did a real crappo post on FB today about how he had such a wonderful Christmas surrounded by his family and those he loves and I wanted to comment that he didn't even bother to text a "Merry Christmas" to the woman who gave birth to him but I didn't. It wouldn't help a damn thing.

He really is his father's child. I don't know how that happened but it did. Makes me sick, literally! I am just trying to get over it. Perhaps I shall.

Again, thanks for your post.

Much love!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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