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Truth in advertising and blogging...

I just found out that there are people who believe that every word in a personal blog is the absolute truth. I am here to tell you that you are about to be GREATLY disappointed in me because I have been known to S-T-R-E-T-C-H reality to make a point more compelling or humorous. This is my platform for personal fiction. I don't feel the need to spill my guts to the world. I am writing about events that I find of interest or just plain silly but I don't feel compelled to be 100%, "just the facts ma'am, just the facts."

Now, I have written some personal pieces that have been painful to write and those have been true from my POV, someone else might see things differently but if I am writing about cranky cats, microwave combustion or silly Chihuahua's well let's just say that I feel free to use poetic license on occasion. Now if you want total and disgusting truth, I have dandruff. Those little white flakes drive me nuts and even prescription shampoo does not eradicate the little bastards no matter how much I scrub. Okay, now you know my dirty little secret. I have dandruff, I am short and fat too. So we are all clear this is as totally honest as I intend to be. There is no way anyone else would have a different perspective on these issues and thus I can be totally honest and open. I am not going for humor or a punchline. I am just short, fat and have dandruff. Do we have that all cleared up?

So from now on poetic license and my personal point of view, everything else is left to chance. Bwa, ha, ha!

My friend "Stu" has been excavating at his mom's house again. Poor woman! I busted him out on Facebook, I told him that I blogged about him but that I changed his name. I know he is quivering in his boots. Whatever, I am a mean psycho woman who picks on guys because they are going through their mom's used aluminum foil and putting pictures of it on Facebook. My son needn't even consider doing such a thing. I would hurt him BAD! <WEG>

I have a Facebook friend who liked my post about cranky cats and naughty little Chihuahuas. She found a "Cheezburger" cat picture of a cat complaining that the owners give the Chihuahua caffeine so that it will antagonize the cat. I mean really, do Chihuahuas need caffeine. I DON'T think so! LOL!!!

Yesterday, Miss Teffers and I went to the nursing home to change her mom's decor from Christmas to Valentine's. We got delayed by oral surgery and snowmaggedon! I say WE changed the decor, I took down most of Christmas and blew up an inflatable heart. I am decor challenged. Miss Teffers on the other hand is not. She is VERY talented!

Miss Teffers continues to recuperate well from her oral surgery. I would still be on narcotics and blood transfusions. I can handle pain but I don't think that having teeth cut out and bones messed with would be something I could hang with. Steph says there is a place where you can SEE her bone in her jaw, she offered to show it to me. I politely declined. I think I might yak. That is a little TOO realistic for me AND is ONE HUNDRED PER CENT TRUE! Whew!

Steffie and the little dog just went to bed. I am awake and unsupervised. Bwa, ha, ha!!!! I can get into trouble if I want to, however, if I get caught I will be in Little Audrey trouble. I can be a BAD little girl sometimes. LOL!!!!

Well, I guess I don't have much else to say. We went to the grocery store today and bought toilet paper. Aren't you glad to know that? If I led a more exciting life you all would be clutching your computers just waiting for my next blog entry. We couldn't have that as you all have lives to live and I don't want to be held responsible for derailing them.

Have a beautiful tomorrow!



White Trash Foot

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