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Somedays, I just don't know...

about why pansies will bloom year round, why African violets have to be so hard to grow and why the world is such a labyrinth to navigate through even on the best of days. I know people who are going though really serious pain right now and I don't know "the magic words" to make things better. In the land of daydreams and nightmares we all find obstacles, challenges and opportunities to keep us on our way. We cannot allow ourselves to get mired down and stuck because that would mean giving up. In my opinion, one should never, ever give up no matter how difficult a path we traverse.

Today would be my little Ashes of Roses third birthday. She never even got to see her first birthday on this earth and yet, she has brought more light, faith and humanity to this world than some who have lived for decades. I never got to meet my little Ashes. She was my second grandchild and even though she lived less than a half a mile from me, my son did not wish to be part of my life and so little Ashes lived and died without ever knowing my touch but she has my heart and always will, just like my little Kimmieswabee and Jessbo do. My son has decided again that I should not be part of his life so I don't know when or if I will see the little girls again but in the meantime, I pray for them often for they too have my heart and love. BTW, I have a lot of love to give. I don't know why life has ended up with this jarring note of discord between my son and I. It is disconcerting and yet, I am beginning to settle into a pattern of acceptance. I know pain, I know how tempting it is to wallow in "molasses flats" but I also know that life is more than one soured relationship. It is a series of occurrences both good and bad that test our mettle so that we know what it is like to be forged in flame and can come out of things which are difficult with our wits about us at the very least. I don't know why this is part of life but I know that it is.

Last night (Friday) on the news our weatherman wore his "cheesehead" hat for a few minutes and there was a snowball fight in our local weather garden. All of this was great fun and helped to brighten a somewhat dreary day. I can't believe the anchors threw snowballs at him. What a hoot!

The Super Bowl is today. (Sunday) (I write in the middle of the night so my days are often confusing.) The Green Bay Packers are playing the Pittsburgh Steelers. I have chosen the Steelers as my team to root for but I sure wish I had some pizza, hot wings, chips, dip and beer for the game. Not that I would watch it because my heart cannot stand the exciting football games but because I like those good snacks and would enjoy having them. I could drink a toast to my little angel Ashes. That would be a fun thing to do. Oh well, I will drink a toast with iced tea and we will all celebrate even without fancy snacks and beer!

I hope that someday, when I get older that I will understand the ways of the world. In the meantime, I will just muddle through and wish my life away while grounded in reality but hoping for something better. Who can ask for anything more?



White Trash Foot

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