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I have very lucid dreams. I don't just see and hear in my dreams, I can feel, taste and smell as well. Even when I wake up the olfactory and kinecetic aspects of my dreams stay with me for some time. I am very much "one" with my dreams.

Last night I dreamt that my little boy was snuggled up against my back in bed with me. In my dream he was about 4 or 5, in real life he is almost 34. When I dream about him he is always a little boy. I guess I sorely miss the little child I once knew and loved with all my heart, but I digress. In the dream he was close to my back and I could reach behind me. I felt his little butt covered in his white jockey shorts. I felt the waistband on his underwear and then his soft, sweet little back. I finally found his hand and he closed it around two of my fingers. I was blissed out. I felt so much love for him and from him. It was an incredible feeling.

There were once many such moments in real life when he was young. My son and I grew up together. I was a young single mother of a precocous and precious child. We were very close and often it felt like "us" against the world. We had a special bond that I thought could never be broken. I think I was wrong but I still have my dreams where I am transported back to the beautiful moments we once shared.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 20th, 2011 05:58 pm (UTC)
When I dream about Trevor he's a little boy, too. :)

You probably still do have a special bond, but S is being a butthead. You may not have lots of money, but you're the one who took care of him for all those years. None of us is perfect and we do the best we can with what we have. It may take S until his kids are in adolescence to realize what he's put you through, but I hope he comes around sooner than that. Life is too short to do otherwise.

In the meantime, I'm glad you had that dream. I hope you have many more like them if it helps you feel any better.

Aug. 21st, 2011 01:31 am (UTC)
Thanks Mer, you know motherhood is a real pain. I love my son but he has his moments. ARGH!!!! Oh well, I hope his children never, ever do him like he has done me. I don't want him to know that kind of pain.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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