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I just don't get it...

I have fully discovered that I don't understand most people worth a fat flying flip! I have been a people watcher all of my life. I pay attention to details. I care about people and their lives. Heck, my life has been dedicated to the service of others and truly if someone doesn't know that then they aren't paying attention. Yet, I don't know what makes people tick...what drives them to do the things they do. They lie, cheat and steal. They hurt others and they do it intentionally. I don't get it.

People tell me their secrets. It is like I am a mother confessor. When i die I will take so much darkness, fear, shame and humiliation with me that the crematory fires will burn for hours as they consume all of the broken dreams, pain and sorrow. There are some happy secrets that I bear and I envision them escaping my consciousness at death like birds escaping their cages and flying away.

It is interesting about secrets...people in the grocery store who I don't even know will spill their guts to me. That used to happen with wrong numbers too. It has always been odd. I find now that many people who are connected to the 'net tell "virtual friends" and strangers about the demons that haunt them and the transgressions they commit. I don't think some people fully recognize the extent of their public disclosures and revelations. Sometimes I don't know what to think. I wonder if they realize that such comments made on line are forever. They can always be retrieved throughout time. I guess if we go the route of Atlantis and allow our technology to totally consume us that the secrets will be part of the vast void but I don't know that we can count on it.

We as a species seem to be compelled to act out and engage in untoward behaviors toward each other and ourselves, then we seem to seek absolution or redemption as it were for having transgressed in such a manner. Sometimes we own our behaviors, sometimes we blame others, drugs, alcohol, food and sex. Not even the weather is immune from being named as a co-conspirator in our illicit deeds.

I seem to understand the human psyche in many ways and yet, I am totally flummoxed at actions taken with total disregard for the effect they have on others. A husband with children leaves his family in pursuit of some unknown "something" living adrift in a relationship with another woman who is not his wife. Why, what compels him to hurt those to whom he his committed...why does he shirk his duty...I don't know. Perhaps there is an emptiness he seeks to fill. He can't explain it but yet he acts on it. I don't understand. I feel pain for him and those he has left behind. Men are not alone in this...mothers also abandon their children and husbands to chase a dream that they don't fully understand but which beckons them. The cliched greener pastures sing such a siren's song...it can be hard to withstand the allure.

Then there are those who rape, kill, assault, maim, violate, exploit, steal, rob, injure mindlessly. What in the world possesses them? I am clueless...totally clueless. We as a people seem to have lost our way. My former drama teacher used to blame it on holes in the ozone, others say we have lost our moral compass and that such behavior is just the result of sin, unbridled sin. I think such answers are naive at best and in many ways misguided. The human race has engaged in such behaviors since we came into being whether by creation, evolution or some combination therein. These are no new behaviors...read the history of the world. This is "same stuff, second day." It isn't because of separation of church and state...it isn't because of civil rights and a need to respect science and reasoning. There is more to it than that...it seems primal...and dark and eternal. I see all of this. I understand the big picture and yet...I just don't get it. This is all beyond me. All I can say is "May God have mercy on us all and save us from ourselves." Left to our own devices we will destroy ourselves and the world around us because love seems to have gotten lost eons ago and time continues to chip away at what little had been left behind. We are in dire need of the mercy we do not afford to others.

Babbling on and praying that someday reason returns and that love finds a way. I believe it will happen and yet for now, I just don't get it.



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Jan. 25th, 2013 03:06 pm (UTC)
I agree Ardee Ann. May God have mercy on us and save us from ourselves. (hugs)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


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