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I don't know how far I will get with this tonight as I got interrupted when I was getting ready to start writing a couple of hours ago. My mind is like a sieve. Actually I have compared it to perforated Jello for decades. Sigh! Anyway, I keep finding out things about people that I would really rather not know and then I also learn things that I am kind of glad to know.

A little while back, just days after my last post I found out that someone I was lead to believe was dead might not be dead. Why would someone do that? Lots of people just fade out of the lives of others. Do you have to fake your death? She might be dead. She has disappeared from eBay, which is where I met her. Ironically I was the last person to leave feedback for her on eBay. It was a little more than 5 years ago. I just don't know what to think.

I find that life confuses me more with every passing day. I find out about hypocrites and liars in the damndest places. I can't tell you how many of these people proclaim loud and proud about how Christian they are and then they show by word and deed that they don't even have a clue as to what Christianity is about. It embarrasses and hurts me. I am certainly no stellar Christian but I do try to observe the Golden Rule and to live a life of love and service to others.  That is why when people who show blatant disregard for the Golden Rule yet call themselves Christians I am embarrassed for Christ's sake and for their sake too for they obviously are leading deluded lives.

There is a devotion in the Catholic Church that is called the Divine Mercy. http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/mercy/backgr.htm The Divine Mercy particularly calls to me and has since I first learned about it. Part of the devotion to the Divine Mercy is deep forgiveness and love for others. I am good with the love part but sometimes I get tripped up on the deep forgiveness part. I can handle forgiveness but I don't think I always let it go through to the bone, so to speak. I thought I did until I began doing deep meditation on the Divine Mercy and I realize the my totally imperfect humanity gets in the way.

Part of growing up Catholic is a devotion during Lent known as "The Stations of the Cross." (Some Protestant churches observe these too.) This devotion represents Christ's Passion. Between the pictures representing the each step of The Passion and the prayers that go with them one is ingrained with a deep sense of guilt and a longing to do better/make things right in/with your life.

Because I was always so deeply affected (and still am) by The Stations of The Cross...even though I wanted to go see the movie "The Passion of The Christ" I just couldn't do it because I had heard how intense it was and if the graphics in the Church and prayer books had ripped a hole in my heart and soul I felt that seeing this movie would do so on more intense scale. I don't think I even allowed myself to watch any commercials or previews of the movie.

Well, about 10 days ago I was on YouTube trying to find a particular (sung) version of the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy. http://thedivinemercy.org/message/devotions/praythechaplet.php. Well, that turned out to be a mistake. I found a version of the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy that was sung and the video showed graphic, graphic, graphic scenes from "The Passion of the Christ." A sensible person would have clicked off the video. This humble sinner is not that sensible and I watched the scenes in horror as I listened to the prayers of the Divine Mercy. It was during that time that I was "slapped up side the head" with the importance of deep, truly deep forgiveness as part of this devotion. I can tell you that I could see my own hypocrisy in spades and recognized that I need to work on digging much deeper in my efforts to forgive others.

You may say, ah you admit to hypocrisy...how can you be troubled by hypocrisy in others. Well first I never claimed to be perfect. I am human. I am a sinner. I don't pretend to be something that I am not. What I find troubling about the hypocrisy I mentioned above is that there are those who use Christianity as a tool to bash others over the head while behaving in a less than Christ-like manner. I don't call other people out who I see as hypocrites. I pray for them. I don't think I am any better than they are. I have a lot of work to do on my journey through life and I know that. I try to be loving, kind and merciful. I try to atone for my sins and lead a prayerful life.
Like I said before, I am but a humble sinner.

All of this babbling does have a point...I don't understand, at all, those who would condemn and bash others. I don't understand all of the ugliness, acrimony and polarization that we see in our country and society. It is heartbreaking. I do know that even in my prayers for others and in my special devotion to the Divine Mercy that my soul rebels against fully forgiving those who spew such putrid, hate filled and vile language about and toward others. I sometimes wonder if in my own way I am part of the problem rather than part of the solution. It is very disturbing.

I see people doing hurtful things, abandoning their wives/husbands and children, creating trauma and drama that upsets and involves others, abusing others, spewing degrading filth at others for simply disagreeing with thoughts and opinions, toying with the emotions of others, calling out each other just because they can and I don't understand why. It is sad and it is ugly. I don't have any answers or insights. I pray. I pray a lot and hope that in some small way my prayers co-mingle with others to promote healing in this time of great sorrow. Amen.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Feb. 3rd, 2013 10:42 am (UTC)
LOve you ARdee-Ann. I too find I have problems forgiving those who deliberately hurt others with a spirit of hate rather then love. And I saw the Passion - and it was deeply disturbing to me as well - I know people who watch it over and over, but I can't stand to see it again. Jesus went through a lot for us - and it is very humbling to know He fully forgave ALL. In my humaness, I can't seem to do that.

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


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