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I am pretty sure that I am going to take the JulNoWriMo plunge but with my own twist. I am going to work on writing 50K words but I am not going to make it a novel. I am just going to write. I am rusty, rusty, rusty on my writing and I am just going to see if I can get the pistons firing and produce some decent words. It is all for fun anyway. That is why I write to make me happen and broaden my horizons.

I was thinking a lot about Rita today. For those who don't know, Rita was my best friend from the first day of high school until she died 26 years later. A very aggressive form of cervical cancer took her from us. Actually, I am not sure that it was the cancer that killed her. I think that it was the cancer treatment "what done her in." Rita was one of the most wonderful, talented, sweet and loving people I have ever had the honor of knowing. She came from a family of 18 children. She was one of the oldest. I think she was number four. I loved being around her family when we were in high school. They were a lively bunch! I still see her relatives on occasion but miss getting to see them on a regular basis. They are a great bunch.

I started thinking about Rita telling me that she had cancer. She broke down trying to tell me about it. She was so scared at first but then she fought it with all that she had. Her treatment caused numerous complications and finally the fatigue from her illness and the side effects of the treatment wore her down to the point that she didn't even feel like talking on the phone any longer. Rita pretty much cut off contact for the last several months of her life because she just didn't have the wherewithal to be social. I missed and lost so much by not being able to see and talk to her but I respected her wish to be left alone. I was with her when she died. I was holding her hand. I swear my heart broke at the moment she expired. I don't know if I will ever fully recover. I loved her so very much. We were so very close. I miss her terribly. I know she is in a better place and quite frankly there are situations down here on Earth that would have been brutally hard for her to deal with so I truly believe that God spared her some truly intense emotional pain that would have come her way if she had survived. I truly believe that her death was a gift to her and that belief helps me to cope with the horrible sense of loss that I have. Rita was a truly beautiful person.

I am worried about my mom. She has some health issues going on besides serious pain that she is trying to cope with. I used to be able to take care of my mom but since my disability has become so intense and the issues are escalating I can't do the things I used to do to be of assistance to her. In the past I was able to take her to medical tests and stayed with her at the hospital when she had surgery. I can't even drive any longer. I feel so useless sometimes and yet she knows how very much I love her and care about her so that provides some solace. My younger sister has become very distant with all of us. She has time to help strangers but not her own family. This upsets me to no end. My mom could use her help and my sister could care less. It truly angers me. I feel so impotent in this situation.

The little dog is having puppy dreams. She is asleep in my chair and her feet are steadily moving. I don't know what she is chasing in her dreams but she is getting after it for sure. She is such a treasure. We love her so very much.

Well, I know there were other things I was going to write about but the evade me at the moment. I will sign off for now. I hope you have a beautiful day.



White Trash Foot

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